If you have searched for this article, you must be wanting to heal from a recent breakup. It is also possible that you took your time to move on but couldn’t and are searching for answers. Soon after a breakup especially when it was a long-term relationship, you face a challenge to heal and move on.
Healing from relationship trauma is a deeply personal journey, but there are some emotional tools and mental health strategies that can make the process more grounded and empowering.
Here’s a breakdown of what can help:
1. Self-Validation
Reflect on how you are feeling. You may hide it from your loved ones but when you are by yourself, do acknowledge it without minimising the pain you are in.
Remind yourself that your feelings are valid, even if others don’t understand them. More than expecting others to understand you, you must understand yourself in this process. Reflect back at any regrets or acknowledge the fact that you have done nothing wrong. Also, do not regret to the extent that you drown yourself in endless sorry. Mistakes happen, you are human, you are learning and evolving. We make bad choices, we make wrong decisions. It is perfectly normal. All these will help bring out a better version of you in the future, I promise!
2. Journaling
A part of acknowledging the pain you are in is writing down how you feel. This will help you process your emotions, track triggers, and notice growth. Now you don’t really need a pen and paper for this, we are in 2025. You can just say the words and your mobile will keep and audio or text record, depends on what you prefer. Here are some apps that will help you do that voice notes, notta, gboard, dictation (for apple devices).
You can answer questions like,“What did I need but not receive in that relationship?” or “What am I learning about myself?”. These can help be aware of the reasons for your decision and avoid any regret.
3. Wounds Of The Past
Relationship trauma often reactivates old wounds. Visualise and nurture your inner child by offering comfort and affirmations. Remind yourself that the wounds of the past have healed. If there were any resemblance in the break up patterns of the past and the present, it is still okay. Somewhere deep within you probably wanted to make things right that you couldn’t in the past. A second failure does not necessarily mean that you failed. It only means that this pattern in your relationship should be avoided altogether. Start making a conscious effort to never go back to this pattern ever again in the future.
4. Make-Overs and Travelling
Usually in the initial stages of a breakup you don’t feel like grooming yourself or even bathe. You will only start a new chapter when you look and feel fresh. Get a makeover, do some grooming or visit a salon to groom. I can only give example of celebrities, like Tamannaah who cut her hair short after breakup with Vijay. There’s something about a drastic change in length of hair or haircolor, makes you feel like a new person whom you’re just discovering. It gives you a feeling of starting from scratch. You can’t really have drastic makeover on your face, for that you need plastic surgery (haha). This is the easiest way to change the way you look at yourself and others look at yourself.
If a makeover is not enough, and if you can afford it, making travel plans also help discover the new you. You may not feel like making travel plans when you are feeling down, but at least make local travelling plans, ask your friends to accompany you. Going outdoors, keeping yourself active and changing the environment you are in does give a temporary break from breakup blues. If you decide to travel in a bigger group you even get the chance to make new friends and go from there into diverting your mind.
5. Setting Your Boundaries
Practice saying “no” and recognising what is (and isn’t) your responsibility. This will help you a great deal in saying no to your ex in case they try to get in touch with you and try to confuse you. You are in a delicate emotional situation and if you have taken a strong decision to end this relationship you must say no to any advances from your ex. This also includes common friends who try to make the two of you talk. Their intentions may be noble, however, no one really knows what goes down among a couple. Hence, if someone’s in a good position to judge what’s best for you, it is you, and no one else.
Learn to set emotional, physical, and digital boundaries as a form of self-respect. This applies to not just ex but anything else that reminds you of your old relationship.
6. Education
Reading more about trauma, attachment styles, and relationship dynamics. I dated this guy I found online. He promised to give everything I wanted which meant he was looking for a long term relationship. However, out of nowhere he dumped me one day. Even minutes before dumping he was being lovey dovey. So you can understand how confused I would’ve been. So what I did was searched for his traits online read about why men do this and that’s when I found out about narcissists. Suddenly all started make sense to me and I figured it was never really about me. He confirmed it further by trying to get in touch with me within a month of dumping me. He just couldn’t stand the idea that I could “breathe” without him.
Knowledge gives you clarity and language to describe your experience. You can even learn from others experiences and acknowledge and validate the feelings you are going through by relating to others.
7. Self-Compassion Practices
Speak to yourself the way you would a loved one. Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know before. Either you start doubting your own judgement or blame yourself in case you were in a relationship with someone who constantly gaslighted you. So remember and be compassionate to yourself. If you were not in the wrong stand by your own and never let yourself or anyone else put doubts in your mind.
8. Exercise and Meditation
Now breakup is not the time to get up and moving with a peppy mood. It is just too impractical. What is practical though you can set goals for yourself while you are just binge watching a series and eating your heart out on junk foods. You can tell yourself that you give yourself two weeks and then you will hit the gym or get a healthy routine. Hit the gym you must or at least indulge in regular cardio. The adrenaline is good for you. All the good hormones will help take your mind off the depressing breakup.
If you are not the gymming type, you can also take up yoga. Any other form of exercise is also okay like signing up for dancing or mixed martial arts classes. There is a lot of benefit to this choice of healing. It not only helps you heal but also teaches you a new talent or an effective discipline that will keep your mind and body in its best shape.
9. Support Systems
Talk to friends, join support groups (online or in-person), or connect with people who have gone through similar experiences. Just make sure you are not including too many people as a confidante for your break up story. They will only end up confusing you with their contradicting opinions.
Alternatively, if you want to keep your friends out of this mess, you can join online groups of individuals facing break up. You have meetup.com serving this purpose, for instance this group – Getting Over A Break-Up. In fact you can just join any hobby-oriented meetup group, not necessarily for the breakups.
10. Therapy
A licensed therapist can help unpack layers of trauma safely. I listed this is as the last resort, as not all breakups can be handled on your own or with the help of a friend. Some need expert help and you never know this might help you get greater insight into your life choices and your personality as a whole too. It’s not normal in India to seek a therapist for break ups, however, if your mind doesn’t allow you to heal on its own you can choose therapy and keep it a secret too. This is especially necessary if you’ve gone under depression post break-up.
So these were my rather practical advice to get over your ugly or not-so ugly breakup. We are emotional beings, some of more than the other. Hence, in case you tend to recoil into your messy state even after successful application of the above methods, it is STILL OKAY! Setbacks are a part of the progress. You just need to be more forgiving of yourself and give yourself more time.
Just remember you deserve to be in a relationship that gives you peace of mind, makes you feel safe and keeps you happy and content. it’s okay to outgrow people and it’s okay to start over.