While technology has brought the globe closer to each other, when it comes to dating it has brought in a lot of complications with it. Things can get very confusing if you are not well versed with the trends of digital dating and what they mean.
It was a completely different ball game when you had to take certain cues from someone’s expressions or body language, however, now you must know to read the signs of texting etiquettes and even know the meaning when someone does not acknowledge your text.
Here’s a breakdown of ghosting, breadcrumbing, and other digital dating trends — why they happen and how to cope — especially in the age of dating apps and hyper-connectivity.
Ghosting
When someone you’re dating or talking to suddenly stops all communication without explanation it’s called ghosting. I am sure everyone has faced this sometime or the other. I personally feel it is super rude to stop texting without a valid explanation. Everyone deserves closure or some sort of indication that you do not intend to hangout or talk with them anymore. However, usually this confrontation can get ugly if the person you are speaking with is immature.
Reasons for Ghosting:
- Avoidance of conflict: They don’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation.
- Overwhelm: Too many options (thanks to the myriad of dating apps) make people less invested.
- Emotional immaturity: Some simply don’t have the tools to handle rejection with empathy.
How to cope:
- Don’t overthink it — ghosting is more about them than you.
- Resist the urge to chase closure; silence is closure. Some people think it is important to get closure. Yes it is important, but only if it comes naturally. It must not be forced. That defeats the purpose of a closure. So let it be as it is and move on.
Unmatch/block if needed to give yourself peace of mind.
Breadcrumbing
One of the dating manipulation techniques that gives a hot and cold approach is called breadcrumbing. They would give you just enough attention (likes, flirty messages, occasional replies) to keep you interested, but never commit.
Reasons for Breadcrumbing:
- Boost Their Ego: Keeping you on the hook makes them feel desired.
- Back-up: You’re plan B (or C).
- Namesake Companion: They may want attention without actual intimacy.
How to cope:
- Why would they put in the effort or time when they know this isn’t serious. So if there’s no effort to make real plans, it’s a red flag you need to take a hint.
- It is better to let them know what kind of communication you expect. Even after communicating that they don’t respect your needs, you must think of an exit plan.
- It is possible that something about them makes you stay, it could be looks or their smooth talk. However, you need to walk away and not settle for crumbs if that’s all you get.
Slow Fading
This is similar to ghosting, however, unlike ghosting it doesn’t happen all of a sudden.
A more gradual form of ghosting — texts get fewer and shorter until they vanish completely.
Reasons for Slow Fading:
- They may be unsure how to end things. You can probably think they are immature or a coward to confront you with their real feelings towards you.
- They leave it up to you to figure out their disinterest by slowly fading.
How to cope:
- If you feel someone pulling away, don’t beg for attention. Their responses stop being consistent and regular, they make excuses to not have long conversations with you. These are hints of Slow Fading.
- If they don’t match your energy and they feel distant, either communicate and straightaway ask them the reason or you accept their slow fading and let them go.
Catfishing
This term is relevant to dating apps where you meet people virtually. Catfishing is usually when a person pretends to be of the opposite gender to fool others and get something out of them.
They use fake photos, names, or life stories.
Reasons for Catfishing:
- Low self-esteem and no confidence in their real personality
- Using female id to fool men into giving money for little to bigger expenses. People can also do this as revenge to catch someone red-handed and exposing their chats.
How to cope:
- Try to get to know them for a while before you share your personal info with them.
- Do a voice/video chat before getting too emotionally invested. There are many voice changers around so video calling is a safer bet.
- Sometimes things seem too-good-to-be-true. Let’s say a very hot looking person is being too modest and going out of their way and being nice to you. Not to say that good looking people aren’t nice, however, it certainly feels too-good-to-be-true as they don’t really have the need to seek others for dating if they really looked hot.
Some other dating terms of the digital age are:
Haunting:
This is an after effect of ghosting. They ghost you on text or call but continue being active on your social media may be by liking or sharing your posts. This will probably happen a while after they have ghosted you.
Zombieing:
This is when someone who ghosted you comes back and talks as if nothing happened. They ask you ‘how you doing’ or ‘are you online’ and may not even volunteer to give you reason for their initial ghosting.
Hardballing:
Hardballing is my favorite type of new digital dating trend where you get to hear what they exactly feel. With everything that we have discussed above in dating trends, ambiguity is the norm. Yet, this one term refers to straightforward disclosure of dating intentions. For example, if someone says they are here only for short term dating and let you know if you are okay with it, they are hardballing.
Situationships:
Situationships can be both fun and messy. It is a relationship but not really a conventional relationship, there could be exclusivity or maybe not, but there is definitely no long-term commitment. The rules can be flexible; it depends on the couple. Also, they may not reveal to others that they are a couple, but they behave as couples in most of the aspects with each other.
Beige Flags:
We spoke about red flags and black flags in a relationship in the past. There is something called beige flags which aren’t alarming traits. In simple words, they are a bit bland or weird. For instance, if they say ‘lol’ instead of actually laughing. If they have extreme skin care routines or forces in fun facts every time just to sound interesting. These are not deal breakers but they can also be weird to live with. Their personality may lack depth.
Protect Yourself Emotionally
If you are an emotional person with old school dating values, it is not easy to adjust with these new digital trends. However, knowing what each of these trends mean makes it easier for you to learn what to expect in modern dating. You can protect yourself from getting hurt, by setting your expectations lower in the initial days of dating. You must know your worth and if you like clarity do not hesitate to communicate.
If all this is overwhelming and caused due to dating apps, take a break from dating apps and try to keep a few things offline for a while.