So, here’s the scene: you’ve told him, clearly and calmly, “This hurts me. Please don’t do that again.”
He nods, says he understands, even apologizes with that guilty puppy look.
But a week later? Same behavior. Same pain. And when you finally block him to protect your peace — boom — your phone lights up with a paragraph that could win him an Oscar for “Most Dramatic Victim Monologue.”
You know the type — he doesn’t disappear; he lingers. Hurts you, plays innocent, blames “stress” or “family pressure,” and somehow makes you feel like the villain for setting boundaries.
So does his constant comeback mean love? Or is it emotional manipulation wrapped in affection? Let’s break it down, point by point.
1. Love or Habit? Knowing the Difference
Let’s be honest — sometimes what keeps him coming back isn’t love, it’s habit.
You’ve become his comfort zone, the person who forgives him when the world calls him out. And that’s not love — that’s convenience disguised as connection.
The psychology of emotional cycles
People like this thrive on predictable forgiveness. The cycle — hurt → apologize → repeat — becomes their way of maintaining control. He’s not scared of losing you; he’s scared of losing access to you.
Why we mistake consistency for care
Because he doesn’t ghost you, it feels like he cares. But consistency in presence isn’t the same as consistency in kindness. Showing up doesn’t mean showing love.
2. When “Sorry” Feels Like a Routine
Ah, the infamous apology text — “I didn’t mean to hurt you, you know I love you.”
But here’s the twist: if he’s truly sorry, why does he keep doing the same thing?
The difference between guilt and genuine change
Some guys use guilt as a leash. They’ll cry, blame anxiety, or even flip the script — “You’re overreacting, I just made a small mistake.” That’s not remorse. That’s reversal.
It’s emotional gaslighting, and it keeps you stuck in self-doubt.
Personal anecdote: my “repeat offender” ex
My ex was the master of this act. He’d never ghost me; oh no, he stayed right there — texting, calling, “checking in.” But every time I opened up about how I felt, somehow he became the one who was “hurt.”
One day, I realized: he didn’t want love, he wanted control of the narrative.
3. Attachment Isn’t Always Love (Ouch, I Know)
Attachment and love can feel identical when you’re deep in it — but they’re worlds apart.
How trauma bonds work
The more you forgive someone who keeps hurting you, the stronger the bond of pain becomes. You start mistaking intensity for intimacy. I have spoken about trauma bonds in by blog why do women choose to stay in a toxic relationship.
Breaking your “push-pull” loop
Write this down somewhere: If someone loves you, they won’t keep testing your breaking point.
Start seeing his “I can’t live without you” texts for what they are — panic over losing control, not proof of deep love.
4. Emotional Investment: Why You Keep Letting Him Back
You’ve told him what hurts you. He knows. But when he repeats it, it’s not ignorance — it’s indifference. And yet, your heart whispers, Maybe he’ll finally understand this time.
Self-worth and the illusion of “closure”
He’s not confused — you are, because he keeps switching roles: one moment, he’s the hero; next, he’s the victim.
He’ll say, “You’re the only one who gets me,” and suddenly you feel guilty for wanting space. But closure doesn’t come from another conversation — it comes from emotional distance.
Quick reflection exercise for clarity
Ask yourself: Would I let a friend treat me like this? If your answer is no, then it’s not love — it’s learned tolerance.
5. Real Love Comes With Accountability, Not Just Apologies
There’s a difference between saying “I love you” and acting like it.
Words vs. actions: what actually counts
A man who truly loves you doesn’t repeatedly cross boundaries after you’ve told him they hurt. He listens, reflects, and adjusts.
If he’s always “sorry” but never different, it’s not love — it’s manipulation with a side of self-pity.
Tiny signs that show he’s really changing
He stops making excuses. He doesn’t guilt-trip you for taking space. And he respects your “no” without emotional blackmail.
6. Don’t Romanticize His Return — It’s Not a Movie Scene
You know that cinematic moment when he shows up in the rain, saying he can’t live without you? Yeah, in real life, that’s not romantic — it’s manipulative timing.
Why toxic patterns feel like “fate”
When he hurts you, then rushes in with “I can’t lose you,” it feels like destiny. But it’s actually guilt in disguise. He’s trying to soothe his conscience by clinging to you.
How to romanticize your peace instead
Instead of waiting for him to “realize your worth,” start realizing your own. Light a candle, put on your favorite playlist, and block him — not out of hate, but out of healing. Peace can be poetic too, babe.
7. Reclaiming Power: What Walking Away Actually Does
He’ll call you cold. He’ll act heartbroken. He’ll even say, “You’ve changed.”
Good. You’re supposed to.
Emotional detachment as healing
When you stop reacting, he loses control of the game. He can’t play the victim if there’s no audience left to applaud.
My story: The time I finally blocked his number
The night I blocked my “victim-mode” ex, he sent 14 emails (yes, emails) about how he’d “never find someone like me.”
Guess what? That’s not love — that’s panic.
And even though I felt bad for him I resisted all the temptation to respond to him. I resisted the loop this pattern has always put me into. Just because I understood the truth of it all (that I have mentioned above).
8. If He Truly Loves You, You Won’t Have to Wonder
Real love doesn’t hurt you for sport. It’s gentle, steady, and — most importantly — safe. There’s no unnecessary drama, you are not always kept on your toes of how he’d react on your every action or even reaction to his action.
What secure love feels like (and what it doesn’t)
It doesn’t confuse you. It doesn’t drain you. It doesn’t need convincing.
When a man truly loves you, you’ll feel it — not question it at 2 a.m. over a “miss you” text.
The difference between effort and obsession
He may say he can’t live without you, but love that thrives on guilt isn’t love — it’s dependency. The right man won’t need to hurt you just to prove he cares.
Let me address some of the questions that may come to your mind after reading this.
He doesn’t ghost me — he stays, but keeps hurting me. What does that mean?
It means he values control more than connection. Presence doesn’t equal love; consistency and respect does.
Why does he act like the victim after hurting me?
It’s a deflection tactic. By flipping the narrative, he avoids accountability.
Why does he say he can’t live without me right after I block him?
Because losing access scares him more than losing you. It’s about control, not affection. Also, deep down he knows no other girl will survive this behavior for long, only you will put up with it, as you forgave him a 100 times already.
What if I still love him?
The very reason you went back to him was because you cared and you loved him. That’s okay. Love doesn’t switch off overnight. But loving him doesn’t mean you should keep accepting pain.
How do I deal with the guilt of walking away?
Remind yourself — you’re not abandoning him; you’re choosing you. That’s strength, not selfishness.
Can this kind of man ever truly change?
Only if he wants to, and that takes therapy, effort, and time — not endless apologies.
Love Shouldn’t Be a Guessing Game
So, does it mean that he loves me if he keeps coming back after he hurts me?
Maybe he does, in his own flawed way. But love that repeatedly hurts you, confuses you, or makes you question your worth — isn’t love that heals you.
You deserve clarity, not chaos. You deserve peace, not promises.
And most of all, you deserve a love that doesn’t need proof through pain. 💔✨