I have seen the words ‘toxic’ and ‘red flags’ being thrown around a lot. These terms have made even some fixable human traits seem alarming. Usually it is your friend or family who would give you such opinions. Also, of course there are articles like Early Signs in A Relationship that are Red Flags give you a fair idea of what red flags are.
However, in reality, there are many such ‘supposed’ red flags that may not even be a red flag. I am sure most of you have some of these ‘red flag’ traits in mind that you think is a normal trait that we can live with. Do share in comments if you have some in mind that are not really ‘red flags’.
Meanwhile, let me list some of these romantic partner traits that may not be an alarming red flag.
1. Being a Liar
If a man/woman is a liar and you have caught them lying more than once during the early stages of your relationship, you could always try and communicate how you feel about it. How this creates an environment of distrust in the relationship. If the communication has a positive response, it’s not unfair to give them a chance to prove that they can build trust with you.
However, be sure that you do not waste too much time in making them realise the importance of trust in the relationship. Also, it’s not even easy to check whether they are being totally truthful to you. You will get to know it when you spend enough time with them.
2. Substance Abuse
When someone is a smoker or indulges in alcohol more than normal, it is seen as a red flag. However, you must not diss off this person completely. It is better to know the reason why they started smoking and drinking. Was there a backstory like a heartbreak? Did they lose a loved one to death? If there is a genuine backstory, there is a chance that the substance abuse is not permanent. It may not turn into an addiction.
However, this is a slippery slope and you must tread carefully. If this person is able to make you feel genuinely loved and cared for, you can also cut them some slack and not reject them based on substance abuse being a red flag.
3. Significant Sexual Past
When I say significant sexual past I mean if they have had partners say around 25 (this number can vary depending on the region you belong to) it doesn’t really make it a red flag. Some people might think that having casual sex when you are single to an alarming number may signify that your sexual desires are on a higher level and you may not be satisfied in a committed relationship. However, you never know why someone engaged in so many sexual encounters.
For e.g. I knew a guy who had a lot of sex after his breakup and it was just momentary. He was then celibate for a few years and even though he’s attractive he wouldn’t take any chances that came his way. So this really depends on the individual you are dating. Hence, it is not always a red flag.
4. No Income
In most countries men are seen as a red flag if they don’t have a source of income. However, you can’t really judge this without knowing the reason why they are currently not employed. It’s a different thing to say that we need money to sustain a decent life, but to reject someone based on this criteria is not completely fair.
So let’s say someone has left their job or was laid off and decided to start their own business, they would need some time to get a stable income. You can always be a moral support to them in these times. Just make sure that they are genuinely interested in you and are not with you so that they borrow money for their business from you.
5. Encroaching Personal Space
Some people do not know the limits of personal space in a relationship. They may think that it’s cute to be possessive and read all your texts and emails on the phone or laptop. Some may even do it under the excuse of being protective of you. Check what their intentions are. This trait can be easily transformable.
It could turn toxic though if they excessively trouble you with what they find. Also, make them understand and set boundaries for personal space. You can always say that it is appreciated if they consult with you first before going through your personal gadgets and information. If they think this is unreasonable, it can definitely be a red flag.
6. Extreme views on gender roles is extreme
Some people think this is a red flag if their opinions on gender roles are old-school and unfair. This may be toxic if their views are strong. However, if they are showing some indication of a perception change towards gender roles, there is hope for you.
This will need a lot of communication. You may even involve a third person whom they respect and look up to to make them understand that their views need an upgrade.
7. Clingy
This is generally a trait that is looked down upon. Many people say it’s a red flag when your partner is too addicted to you, always likes to check on you or is always available. Sometimes it can be seen as an after effect of possessiveness. It could also be an extreme expression of affection. If it is the latter it is definitely not a red flag.
Finally, I would just like to say that if you really like someone some red flags can be fixed or lived with. Especially if their love supersedes all the red flags, you can always stick together with them and work your way through the flaw.